Rory:

Rory,
I saw tht you left a comment on my blog, but no mail to reply to.
We had cycled a long way before May, some 2000 miles - a mixture of here, Spain and some weekly sportives. We had only one 100+ ride before the event.
We had a mixture of bikes, with a triple being the front set of choice, though I never struggled too bad on a 50-36 compact.
If you send an e-mail to delomac@aol.com, I will send you route details, stopovers etc. I advise you have company at least, if not a support - thsi helped masively.
Brendan

The next challenge:

Not wishing to waste the training from the Lands End ride, Flame and Julian - together with Hywel the Welshman - are entered into two of the open sections of this year's Tour de France.
With the star this year in London, there is an organised run of one of the sections in Kent - the UK Etape. From Greenwich through to Canterbury, 6000+ riders will take part in this celebartion 120 mile event.
We are starting at 6.30 next Sunday 1st July morning, and hope to take under 9 hours to complete this section. This is the prelude!
On July 16th, we join 8497 other riders in the Pyrennean section from Foix to Loudenvielle. Billed as the toughest stage of this year's Tour, the professionals will benefit from a rest day following 6 hours and 196km of up and down 5 major Cols. Two category 2 climbs, 2 category one and one 'hors categoire clims with well over 4100 metres of ascent. The longest at 19.2 km averaging 6.2%, but as steep as 11.1%. These figures may not seem to bad, but after 2 hours of relentless uphill, the slightest incline is leg burning.
We have to do the ride within 12 hours, less the delay in starting at 7547 in such a large field (starts are in pens of 1000!).
I went with Hywel last week to recce the route - it is as hard as I thought and then some. We did the ride over 2 hard days, and think it is do-able - but the threat of a timed sweep wagon picking you up at a late stage in the ride will be in our minds the full way.
More to come - here's a photo of Brendan, Hywel and a frienly Pyrennean on the op of the Peyresourde.
Help!!!!!!!!

Terrible price:

With a week now passed since the end of the ride, we have to report the sad news of Dr Oakley having to be sanctioned under section 8 of the Congenitally Ugly (follically challenged) Amendment Statute of 1864.

Despite lashings of the panaceaic Lincolnshire cure, millionaire shortbread, the prognosis is poor. Failure of the rectal mucostic membrane has led to an abnormally high level of 'troll corpuscles' - discovered by the well known Somalian geneticist Legs Akimbo as the carrier of the pig ugly chromosome (PUC).

Speaking from the Stoke Hammond Centre for the Clinically Gurned, the respected Doctor Nigel 'Quackers' Brookes issued a short statement:-

'Despite extensive shock therapy throughout the last week, Dr Oakley shows little sign of remission, although his 'syrup' is sitting up in bed and has requested a bowl of milk. At 11.47 last night, the frontal lobotomy procedure had to be abandoned after failure to discover sufficient cerebral tissue to operate on. Medical records indicate that previous Bass and Pizza based treatment, though initially successful, has resulted in a hybrid highly resistant strain of the PUC. Early - overlooked - signs of this development are typically morbid fascination with road based traffic markings and a distinct inability to discern humorous stories from the downright tumbleweed. It is expected that Dr Oakley will be able to attend his Daughter's wedding, but inadvisable to allow delivery of his 48 minute father's speech on the fascinations of the development of rumble strips in built-up areas'

So you see, we have paid a terrible price for the pursuit of personal challenge.

Please give what you can to make Oakley's remaining stay at Stoke Hammond more comfortable - be it cash or a new pair of teeth.

There!!

We were away early, leaving he Hotel for a short 20 mile ride to where we stopped last

night and off at 7.00ish.

With none other than the final goal in mind, all eager to reach the end.

A testing day's ride with two 760 foot climbs from sea level within 6 miles of each other, and a number of smaller climbs peppering the route.

A slow cold start, but turning to the East, the winds were behind us and helped considerably - at one stage allowing 30 mph cruises on the flat.

The weather was dry, and a quick 40 mile romp brought us to our breakfast stop - just in time joined by President and Mrs Frampton, still tasting the breakfast kedgeree from their late start.

Up and down along the coastline, Wick the next stop. Flame's cycle fell victim to a worn spindle crank, and for once Brownie could not address the problem. With the spare steed unleashed, the final 17 miles were eaten greedily.

On the outskirts, euphoric photo opportunity and then down into the finish line - 925 miles.

We were then in a queue to have our photos taken at the traditional signpost - behind three other teams. Brownie took little diplomacy in announcing 'We did it in less miles and less time.' - tiredness excusing the bluntness.

A few beers and back to Inverness for a night of celebration.

Was it good - definitely! Was it a task we would repeat? Ask us after the saddle sores recede.

A great thanks to all the support team- Kav, Bullers, Rob Moulam and Margaret Oakley, Nick and Rebeccah Kier, Alan Breteherton, Dave Parratt, Jon Lord and Brookesey, Michael and Sandra Frampton - and of course Owen Smith whose smiling mayhem fuelled visits in the evening were always welcome.

Thanks also to our sponsors, NMT crane hire, Solent Insulation and Rockwool, and the many people who have sponsored us on the website.

A final thanks to our partners for putting up with us and our mad plans - watch this space for the next event!

Keep a watch on the website for updates on BNUT and Flame's attack on the Pyrenees challenge in the Etape section of the Tour de France in July this year.

Thanks for joining the blog!!

Nearly there!

The heavens opened again as we set off this morning!!

Full Scottish Breakfast fuelled athletes set off in the 25 mph winds and torrential rain, the comforts of Ballacheulish echoing distantly in the Glens behind. Ahead, names scarce uttered beyond Renton Laidlaw's second reading of the classified football results - Scottish Isthmian league. Fort William, Drumnadrochit, Tain, Moray - onward and upwards to the shipping forecast.

Heads down and all thoughts of concerted efforts evaporated as the fallout left cyclists strewn from coast to coast!!

Oakley's empty promises of a distant cousin's 'Millionaire Shortcake' shortchanged as a financial offer of gain from Prince Abadawabeli from Central Swatszululand.

A choice! Esay urban cruising or adrenaline fuelled charge up 960 feet of ascent. Bravado won, as did pained lungs, but all 6 made the top for a deserved 35+ mph descent toward the north of Inverness.

John O'Groats pheromones filled gaping nostrils - none more gaping than BNUT and Oakley's - the pull drifting a 16.2 average over 120.5 miles - the last 18 testosterone enhanced after reaching the Hotel early.

Tomorrow the final assault. Warriors at last supper eager as Alexander's own army at the gates of Asia. We will conquer!!

Homesick Howie is no chicken

From my position at the rear of the pack, I often dream about being back home with the Moreteyne herd or cuddling up to my favourite Alpaca. Bex was jealous at first, but now three in a bed is second nature to this big, jolly farmer’s wife. I can almost picture her now, out in the fields, a calf under one arm and a bale of hay under the other. Oh how I miss her! Sometimes in the dark, windswept Scottish evenings as we sit round the camp fire quaffing McEwan’s Heavy and my own favourite tipple, chilled paraffino, I like to entertain the others with tales of animal husbandry and genetic modification. Down in the barn I’m working on reviving a long-extinct strain of chicken, the Buff Medway. Don’t confuse these with your bog-standard Buff Orpington- these are drop-dead gorgeous (and a bloody good lay, as we egg producers say). To bring these beauties back, all you need is a jam-jar full of hen semen and a pair of rubber gloves. If you try this at home, be sure to wash your hands afterwards. Well, that’s enough about farming. Time to jump in the shower for a turnip body-scrub, followed by a beeswax and lard facial. I noticed that the cows were lying down in the fields this evening which means that tomorrow should be another wet day. Either that or they’ve inhaled some of the noxious bodily gases you’ve read about earlier.

Howie

Thursday's update

Another hard day in the saddle - well over 3 quarters of the way, with 730 miles to date.
Up from Kilmarnock to just below Fort William - 110 miles with over 4200 feet of climbing - most with rain and the last 30 miles against a strong westerly wind.
I note that some of the comments are chasing information and defamatory material on each team member.
Oakley upped his ante-post odds with tales of a sore knee - belied by his regular stretching of the peleton, though dwaining towards the end of the longer days. He confronted his vertigo demons today, crossing the 400 foot high Erskine Bridge at Glasgow - pre-empted by a cry of puncture resonating across the bridge as he cycled over a few specks of grit. He later daggered his inner tube to give credibility to his claim!!
Lous has been steadily getting fitter, and has been on slimming pills to reduce his overall cycle payload. Though the slimming has improved his drag coefficient, the wind erosion to speed has been constantly maintained with excessive methane production. He has struggled to adapt to outdoor toilet stops, and is regularly seen in contortive positions trying hard not to empty his bladder inside his lycra shorts whilst maintaining a modicum of decency!!
The Howester has exhibited an encyclopedic knowledge of the works of Rodgers and Hammerstein. His latest lyrical mantra - 'A man without a woman is like a ship without a sail. Like a boat without a rudder, like a fish without a tail. But if there's one thing worse in this Universe - it's a woman without a man!!' He too has pushed the carbon footprint assessment to the limit with gaseous exhaust. He has lost copious amounts of weight, and his legs are now as thin as a former Spice girl's - perhaps Bedfordshire's answer to Posh and Bex?
Brownie has morphed into a creature more machine than human - his Garmin, trip computer and laptop are rarely away from his 3 foot electrical umbilical cord. His directions were sorely questioned today as we entered the Glaswegian suburb of Moscow!! His legs are equally pipe cleaner like, and in cycle trousers look like a charcoaled pair of frog's limbs.
Julian has cleared all before him - equally behind him as he mimics the carrion infested fumes of a hyena's stomach. Achilles tendon problems have passed into annoyance, his aerodynamic profile cutting through any facing wind gusts. He has become team photographer, though the camera phone took a slight knock falling out of his hands over the rough pot holed approach to Windermere. He bravely pinched all the bacon from the Howester's roll today - but managed to resist eating the pork for fear of a swift retribution. His ingestion has included today, muesli, BLT sandwich, bacon roll, lentil soup, jam and cream scone, fruit cake, 2 doughnuts, numerous elevenses nutrigrain bars, mackerel, venison, mixed vegetables and a pear crumble. Can you explain his colonic gas problems?
Flame McNulty? The best rider by some considerable margin - with all othe riders beggingfor help in technique and autographed shirts. Apart from his bungee jump into the Bridgewater Canal, there has been little to report - barring regular bad jokes, singing and talking more excrement than the cesspit can contain.
Bikes - many punctures, quite often typified by a further deflation within 3 miles of repair. 400 pounds of spares being fitted fast!!
2 days to go - keep in touch!!