Terrible price:

With a week now passed since the end of the ride, we have to report the sad news of Dr Oakley having to be sanctioned under section 8 of the Congenitally Ugly (follically challenged) Amendment Statute of 1864.

Despite lashings of the panaceaic Lincolnshire cure, millionaire shortbread, the prognosis is poor. Failure of the rectal mucostic membrane has led to an abnormally high level of 'troll corpuscles' - discovered by the well known Somalian geneticist Legs Akimbo as the carrier of the pig ugly chromosome (PUC).

Speaking from the Stoke Hammond Centre for the Clinically Gurned, the respected Doctor Nigel 'Quackers' Brookes issued a short statement:-

'Despite extensive shock therapy throughout the last week, Dr Oakley shows little sign of remission, although his 'syrup' is sitting up in bed and has requested a bowl of milk. At 11.47 last night, the frontal lobotomy procedure had to be abandoned after failure to discover sufficient cerebral tissue to operate on. Medical records indicate that previous Bass and Pizza based treatment, though initially successful, has resulted in a hybrid highly resistant strain of the PUC. Early - overlooked - signs of this development are typically morbid fascination with road based traffic markings and a distinct inability to discern humorous stories from the downright tumbleweed. It is expected that Dr Oakley will be able to attend his Daughter's wedding, but inadvisable to allow delivery of his 48 minute father's speech on the fascinations of the development of rumble strips in built-up areas'

So you see, we have paid a terrible price for the pursuit of personal challenge.

Please give what you can to make Oakley's remaining stay at Stoke Hammond more comfortable - be it cash or a new pair of teeth.